The Break Up

This week has been an interesting one for me. I have had a roller coaster to say the least. I was on the brink of a dream job, but had a perfectly good alternative slide into place. I had a solid group of guys to live with and we were close to pulling the trigger on a house, but that changed too. No worries, I won’t be homeless in a few weeks.

I have written about this before, but I have given up on plans. I officially am done with them. This is our break up plans. There is no its not you, its me. Or I need to be more mature. Or I need to focus on my career.

This is one of those FUCK YOU, throw everything you own out the window as I scream at you from three stories up break ups. You consistently have let me down. I cannot trust you or anything you have promised me. I have put my life on hold for you. IT WAS ALL FOR YOU. Well, I am taking back my life because you mess with my mind and am not letting me be myself.

Come to think of it though…plans, well…you know…I don’t know. I guess, guess being the operative word here, you might be alright. You did show me this week that my Goddaughter’s birthday is vastly more important than any job. You taught me that friendship exists far above the playing fields of circumstance. You showed me my ability to be resilient in times of struggle.

But do I want that hurt back, the pain you cause. That pain is the worst kind. It strikes deep down to the core. Way into my gut, it hurts so bad that I just want to curl up and tap out. Sometimes I feel like an MMA fighter trapped against the cage and another man who is pummeling my brains. All I try to do is protect my head so that at the end of the night I can get up off the mat.

Ya, plans I am done with you.

I am out to find my silver lining like Bradley Cooper in one of my current favorite movies, Silver Linings Playbook. My excelsior if you will. A recent article was run in the National Catholic Reporter about what Pope Francis’ theme of his papacy will be. The word he has said the most is Joy, the second is Mercy. Both fabulous concepts, but I am focusing on Joy.

I have a house to live in. A job that will pay me money. Friends to laugh with. Family to call. A positive attitude and good physical health. Half a Master’s degree under my belt. People who want the best for me. You know, what more in life could a guy ask for.

Today helped put a lot in perspective for me. Today my boss, at the temporary job I have, brought in his ten month old son. To watch this man dote on his son was tremendous. It forced life into focus for me. I saw the amazing gift family is. I saw the amazing gift life is. The joy both Father and Son had was phenomenal and uplifting. Later in the day, when I found out another office on Capitol Hill brought me in for two interviews just to say thanks, but no thanks. I applied to another job and kept going. Then, my favorite part of today, my dad, two brothers, and my dog all came to visit DC. I had so much fun showing them GW and taking them to see the monuments. It showed me how blessed I am to have this life.

Life is full of ups, downs, twists, and turns. It is not meant to be easy, but I do believe that if you set your heart and efforts towards love, hard work, and a good perspective then you will make it far.

Until next time, be safe and make good decisions…


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